Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Randomize
