don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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