i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
