hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
