Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
