Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
