I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Randomize
