your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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