Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
