Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
