hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
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