mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I think I just shit out all my problems.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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