A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I have demons in me.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
