She went from zero to smokin in five shots
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
It's not a walk of shame if you run
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
