i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Randomize
