i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Randomize
