Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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