Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
