I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
