we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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