Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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