bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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