My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
