dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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