Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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