its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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