I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
