We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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