My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
