Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
