Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
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