My first STD was from a foam party
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
