so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
