Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
