1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
