dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
