i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
