i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
