I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
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