just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
