I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
