to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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