I'll bet she douches with gravy.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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