I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
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