I cockslap morals
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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