After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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