My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
The best revenge is premature balding
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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