Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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