It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
