Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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