he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
