How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Are my feet made of real feet?
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
